A sense of Purpose ....

I was walking through the exhibits, mesmerized, much like the impressionable sixth graders surrounding me, when I came across this old man standing next to a collection of photographs, pointing at one every now and then with a long stick, relating his story to the kids. Intrigued, I stopped to listen, surrounded by the school kids I had accompanied on a field trip to the 'Frontiers of Flight' Museum in Dallas, Texas. The school students were here as part of an Engineering Summer Camp organized at The University of Texas at Arlington, where I, as a Grad Student, worked during my summer break.

The man pointed to a photo showing a bunch of young men, with  bright smiles on their boyish faces in front of a P-47 Thunderbolt fighter aircraft. They were the members of the 405th fighter group. The photograph was taken just before they were all due to take off on a bomber-escort mission across the English Channel on June 6, 1944. It was no ordinary mission - they were taking part in one of the best known events of WW II - The Invasion of Normandy.

The man pointed out each of the men by name, suffixing some of them with the term 'my buddy' and then, without so much as a tremor in his voice, followed up by mentioning who made it back alive and who din't. The majority of them - did not. An audible gasp went up among the 12 year olds at the very thought.

"We flew air support and dive-bombing missions in support of the ground forces, who were advancing through France, liberating the country town by town, and into Nazi Germany." - He said. The casualities were very high, the fighting intense and ultimately, the Allies were victorious in defeating Nazi dictator Adolf Hitler's Third Reich - but at a great cost on all sides - of men and material. "A lot of people sacrificed their lives without expecting anything in return, so that you could enjoy the freedom you have now. Make sure you respect and value this freedom you have" he concluded.

As he was talking, my mind conjured up images of the opening scene from the Steven Spielberg masterclass - 'Saving Private Ryan' - the closest we could probably get to experiencing the carnage that happened on that fateful morning in Normandy, followed by images of the rows upon rows of white crosses honoring soldiers who valiantly laid down their lives.

Maybe it was the feeling of awe at being in the presence of a person who had actually been there - as I followed my train of thought, I remembered articles that I had read about WW II. The Americans regrouping after Pearl Harbor, the heroic defense of Stalingrad, the determined push towards Berlin by the Allies, the frantic push to develop the atomic bomb (although I do not pass a judgement on its use) - all of them seemed to be filled with one underlying feeling - Purpose. There was a sense of purpose to each of the above mentioned events - to rid the world of Fascism and put an end to probably the worst regime to rule a country following an ideology of hate and bigotry. That was a light-bulb moment. That one word brought a feeling of clarity that I had been looking for to whatever I was doing -  Purpose.

Come to think of it - it is a sense of purpose that has driven mankind all thru history. Because without a sense of purpose, we re reduced to nothing. Our ability to think and create are all manifested through the inherent sense of purpose that we perpetually seek. We want there to be a meaning to what we do. Because the knowledge that there is a purpose to what we do spurs us to give it our all, to strive for excellence and to continually raise the bar higher, without which we would all be condemned to a morbid, insipid existence.

It is that sense of purpose that led to the discovery of chloroform, the successful landing on the moon within a decade of envisioning it, the successful re-entry of Apollo 13, the first heart transplant and many other watershed moments in the relatively short yet illustrious history of Man.

Across the world, members of the armed forces willingly sacrifice the comforts of domestic life and serve in unbelievably inhospitable conditions and often pay the ultimate price so that the ordinary civilians of their nation may live, work and sleep uninhibited and secure. They seek no recognition, are often vilified as a whole
for the transgressions of a few, are tragically often pawns in a political game and yet, it is the knowledge that there is a purpose to their way of living and to their dying that makes them willingly put their lives on the line, without once thinking that maybe it isn't really worth it. The fact that their enduring a life of hardship and danger is enabling us to lead lives of comfort and safety is their ultimate motivation.

Similarly, most of us have often wondered whether there is a purpose to what we do. A lot of us go thru our lives without so much as a purpose to what we do - yes - we want to be engineers, we want to be doctors, we want to own flashy cars and big houses. But in the case of most people, those are paths programmed into our brains by parental, societal or peer pressure. But how many of us have striven for a greater purpose in life ? How many times have we dared to take an unknown trail because our heart asks us to, even if that means leaving our comfort zones ?  Often, we find ourselves wistfully thinking "What if I had ?" before going to sleep, dreaming of ourselves as what our deepest desires want us to be and then waking up and going back to our pre-dictated routines. Admitted - it is not easy. Why take a chance and risk incurring the wrath of your family and ridicule of your peers ? Why not just settle for what comes our way and be contended ? Well - It may work for some people but not for a lot of us. And most of us end up going to our graves without having even tried and with regrets in our hearts. "Bah ... nice words, but why don't you try it yourself ?" - I find you asking. Sure .. I say it because I have gone through it.

There have been times, in my academic career and in my personal life, when I have had to choose - between following my conscience and accepting things as they are. To a third person, it may seem like I am over-dramatizing, but trust me - those decisions can have deep ramifications. And each time, I looked inside and analyzed - What are the pros and cons of each option ? Am I jeopardizing anyone else with my decision ? and most importantly - what could be the consequences of failure ?  Anyone who tells you that the thought of failure should not even cross your mind is being utterly foolish - You should most definitely take into account the possibility that things may not work out. That way you can always have a Plan B. Following your heart does not mean being foolish or selfish. There is a clear distinction between the two. Following the heart in conjunction with the brain is sensible, following one blindly to the exclusion of the other is not. Having decided that following my inner desire would not put others or me in jeopardy, if it came to choosing between the easy, well beaten track that however did not appeal to me and the tougher, uncertain path that my heart galloped towards, I have unequivocally chosen the latter.

Going in for a Masters' degree in Aerospace Engineering - knowing fully well that it was a tough academic field and to top it, with restricted job opportnities; almost losing the battle to inner turmoil on the way; journeying across a continent for a personal trip leaving everything else in the doldrums - knowing that the result would probably not be favourable - but nevertheless making it, because victory lay not in the outcome but in having the courage to make that journey; deciding to take on the challenge of doing a second research thesis in an extremely short time after the first one failed; choosing to hold firm and not succumb to the temptation of seeking help in getting employment from the very people who criticized your choice or insulted your family even though it had been ten months after graduation - each of these decisions was made after a lot of thought, painful self-introspection and brutal honesty with my inner self. And of course with the wariness that Murphy's Law is omni-present (and funnily enough - Murphy was an Aerospace Engineer).
And believe me - when these decisions are to be made - you are on your own. Ultimately its YOU who makes the call and YOU who reaps the results.

But make them, I did. Behind each of those decisions lay my conviction in the underlying sense of purpose. Whether I won or lost, I knew I had made a decision from a clear conscience and that is what gave me the motivation to re-enter the battlefield day after day after day. It was the knowledge that there is a meaning to what I am doing that kept me going.

That is the reason for me writing this piece  - to tell whoever reads this that we all face the kind of situations that I did and whenever you chose a particular path, stop, take some time to think whether what you re about to embark on has a meaning to it, and if it does, go at it hammer and tongs. Put your faith in it and throw everything you ve got into it. And take it from me - once you have made a clear, honest decision, you will find guidance and support along the way. What matters is that you follow your heart, your desires, your conviction - believe in your sense of purpose. Purpose is priority - Purpose is all.

Now, after becoming an Aerospace Engineer from The University of Texas at Arlington, having walked through the same hallowed corridors as one of my idols - Kalpana Chawla, the first Indian woman Astronaut and a UTA Alumnus, and having defied the odds and gotten a job (albeit not in the Aerospace Industry but still a core engineering job in the Automotive industry, which is the next closest thing), I still find myself wondering from time to time whether there is a purpose to what I do; whether I am even on the right path, whether I will get suitable recognition for my work as I go on and the goals I have. But whenever I find myself wracked with these doubts, I go back to that day at the museum when I was going through something similar. As the visit was winding up, I went up to the man to try get a few words with him. He handed me a card about himself - Captain Charles D. Mohrle, one among 6 out of 24 pilots of the 405th Fighter Group who made it back alive. Winner of a Distinguished Flying Cross among other medals and entitled to wear a Presidential Unit Citation Ribbon. I told him how inspired I was at having listened to him speak and that it was a privilege to have met him and offered my hand. What happened next is a memory I will cherish forever and something that provides me with the sense of purpose I need - As he took my hand, he asked me what I did. I told him I was a Graduate Student. "Of what ?" asked the veteran fighter pilot. "Aerospace Engineering" I said proudly. His clear eyes gazing intently into mine, the hands that had once gripped the control stick of the P-47 over Normandy now gripping my hand tightly, the old man said - "Bless you, son".



Photo Courtesy : Dusti Martin's Picasa album on the web and online information on Capt. Charled D. Mohrle - both in the public domain.


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